Yesterday, I almost got into another guys pants!

by | Jan 7, 2010

I know what you are thinking, the decade has hardly started and already another awful, sordid confession is surfacing on the net of a pastor losing it and blowing his life away, but it wasn’t like that, really. What? Yes, I was naked, and yes I was hot and steamy….No really, you are not getting the right idea at all. Please don’t stop reading. Let me explain.
It all started with my annual pilgrimage of repentance and good intentions to Virgin Active to re-enlist for the “You only need to pay once as long as you keep coming deal”. This is the fourth time I have taken the bait, last time I signed up I managed 18 trips to the gym in a whole year, all I needed was 2 a month, sadly as my mid section testifies it did not happen. However, this year things are going to be WAYdifferent and I can already see in my mind’s eye a firmer more aerodynamic me emerging from the soft mass that has grown steadily where I last left my six-pack. I am not sure what made be decide to “get back into it,” the inspiration of seeing my brother Bob who not long ago was just as out of shape as I am looking 10 years younger after losing some serious weight and trimming up or the great faith expressed by my 4-year-old daughter Jemima who just before christmas confidently told her granny that “My daddy has BIG muscles, he is just keeping them hidden in case someone wants them for christmas!” -Well, now that christmas is over I feel safe enough to try to dig out my former glory. (God please give me a bigger shovel)

So that is how I ended up at the Gym. I started off at the little health check station, checked out blood pressure(a little high), BMI (fair for a forty year old? What does that mean!), body fat (oh my gosh!), height (the one area I wouldn’t mind some extra but no, sadly still the same as last year) and weight (Flippin’ heck! Is there something wrong with this machine!!!!) Then shocked but not discouraged I plunged in with my workout, a very respectable 500m in the pool all accomplished in about 10 minutes. I know 10 minutes is not long but it is still 20 lengths and I felt I should try take it easy initially and do serious shovelling later! The sauna was next and I was starting to feel very positive about this burst of energy and as often happens when I am in this frame of mind my thoughts began to drift off into various areas as I thought of the goodness of God, and began to dream of the things I would like to see happen in 2010. As I thought I was literally in another world taken up dreaming big dreams with God, I got out of the sauna, rinsed off, and headed to my locker opened it and checked that my stuff was still there then closed the locker again as I stripped off and dried. By now I was deeply in thought planning “Fire force” an idea for small mobile teams of revivalists sent out on short-term missions to bring people into contact with God’s love and power and as I dreamt I reopened my locker and began to dress. I was about to step into my underpants when I noticed that they had literally changed colour! No, to blue not brown as some of you are rudely thinking, and a glance into my locker revealed that in my distracted state I had open the locker next to mine and I was now standing, hot and steamy from the sauna, naked and about to get into another guys pants! It was not a good moment, I quickly got rid of the pants and rectified the situation. I did wonder if I should run my hands under boiling water…
Anyway in talking over this situation with Debbie she brought up a valuable point that I felt is worth being relayed to the thousands of you who are even now reading this literary masterpiece in the making.

1) Pay attention when you are getting dressed!

In Ephesians four it says,

“Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Every day we choose what we are going to “put on” and if you are distracted or you are not paying attention you can end up putting on something that God does not want you to wear. You may put on old worn out attitudes or personae from another time and quite often if we are not wise we can end up putting on some other guys things. As we look around at what other people are doing in life and begin to compare it is easy to assume that you should be living their life or making your self look more like them. Most times that is a mistake, you are unique and you have a unique call and destiny on your life trust me you will be more comfortable in your own stuff!

So here is the deep prophetic revelation that this traumatic event left me with. Stay focused, when choose how you dress your body and your mind. You can easily get distracted, or envious, or ambitious and find your self uncomfortable wearing things never intended for you! Throw that pair of stinky jocks back into the locker they came from, slam the door locked and gratefully wear what is yours. You WILL be happier!

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