Mysteries-By Michelle Adlard
Tears of Sorrow, Tears of Joy
I think that every parent has dreams for their children. That is I suppose the wonder of the womb. In that place of hiddeness dreams, hope, faith and life are conceived and grow alongside one another until the day comes when they can burst out in that terrifying, messy and joyful moment we call birth. I am not one of those who enjoy the moment of birth, I hate to see my wife in pain and frankly the whole process is just too gory for me. The only way I get through it is by focusing on my wife’s face and listening to the midwife’s commentary on what is happening at the other end. I am sure that I would not endear myself to my wife by providing the medical staff with a distraction in her moment of need by either throwing up or passing out. For me the joy comes at the end of the labour when for the first time I hold my child. With each of my children I had the same reaction, I wept. When Jessica was born I was quite unprepared for the feelings I would feel as she was placed in my arms, quite unbidden tears flowed down my cheeks and I marvelled that it was possible to immediately fall in love with such a tiny person. When Daniel came I thought that now that I had been through it all before I would be “stronger”, however I cried tears of love and pride as something ancestral in me stirred to life as I realised I had a son! By the time Jemima was born I had just accepted that I am an emotional man and so welcomed back my birth tears as old friends congratulating me on her arrival. This time when I wept my old friends had been joined by their cold hard cousins, tears born in sorrow, fear, anger and confusion. Looking back as I write it is difficult to unravel how much of that moment was joy and how much was pain. I want to treasure the moment of Mystery’s birth, to bank the joy and discard the sorrow but they are welded together forever. So, the choice I am left with is this; will I accept the joy knowing that the pain will be part of the moment or do I close my heart, my memory and say goodbye to this treasured moment?
After my encounter with the rainbow on Friday even though faith and hope were beginning to cautiously return to my heart I was still wrestling with anger born in fear and sorrow. Fear of the future, of the unknown and sorrow for all the dreams that seemed to have been delivered still born a few hours before. However, the rainbow had opened up my heart enough for me to begin to pray and seek the face of God. When I got home I went into our kitchen and closed my eyes to pray. I went to heaven. In my mind’s eye I saw Father God waiting for me and approaching him directly asked; “What have you done! What have you done to me!”
He looked back at me and said;
“Nigel, I have given you a gift, a special treasure.”
Bad answer! I was so mad that I retorted;
“Well, I don’t like your gift!!”
If it is possible to storm out of the heavenly rhelm and slam the door behind you that is what I did! I opened my eyes and would not pray any more. I told myself that the interaction that I had just had couldn’t have been God that it was all just the fruit of my imagination seeking some desperate solace. The rest of the day was a blur, I retreated to my room, lost myself in a book, put on soaking music and just tried to remember to keep on breathing. Text messages flooded in, a few people came round, and many tried to call but it was too difficult to talk to most of them. Largely I only spoke to those by the great irony of life are closest to me and live far away. My brother called from Australia and offered to climb on the next plane to be with us. I was touched but knew that wouldn’t help. I am like a tortoise at times like this I retreat into my shell to try to cope and I find it too cramped if others want to join me. Then my pastor, Bill Bennot, called me from the USA. After I had asked him the question I wrote about in an earlier blog I asked Bill,
“Bill, how do I cope, how do I process what just happened, what do I make of this in light of all the promises, prophesies, dreams and expectations that Mystery represents?”
Bill and his wife Connie know as well as anyone what this baby means to us, they have been with us believing for her from before the time she was conceived. I was at their house in Nashville when I heard the news of the first of two miscarriages Debbie had before she fell pregnant with Mystery. Again as Bill answered I could hear the voice of the Holy Spirit as he spoke to me. he said;
“Nigel, you need to see that have still received a gift. A special treasure! It may not be the gift that you expected but se is still a gift”
The Key to Mystery-Seeing through different eyes
My earlier vision and Bill’s words coalesced and sunk in and brought to the surface many of the words and prophesies that had been said and prayed over Mystery whilst we awaited her arrival. I could suddenly see differently. It wasn’t that the picture had changed, or that the circumstances had changed but somehow I noticed different things.
For some time now God has been giving my wife, myself and our church revelation on the theme of mystery. At a Elders meeting in January whilst in prayer we felt that God was moving us into a time of the unveiling of mysteries. We sensed that significant things are being birthed in the church in this time. Things are shifting, changing and that God wants to unveil his secret wisdom, mysteries in, to and through his church. The Church is God’s great mystery. He longs both to hide himself in the church and reveal himself through the church. As we have prayed and pressed in for more of the manifested presence of God the significance of Debbie’s swelling womb and the life inside of her was affirmed over and over.
Treasures Hidden in Darkness by Michelle Adlard
Prophetic Paintings spoke of Mystery.
In one particular service several weeks ago Debbie preached on the theme of God wanting to unveil mysteries to the church I was amazed to see at the end of worship the pictures that our team of prophetic artists had painted. One depicted a child hanging in a cloud suspended on the Horizon. I knew it was Mystery. Michelle, the artist, had finished that painting and leaving it on the easel was busy painting something else on the floor when Debbie got up and began to speak. She read from Isaiah 45:3 “I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places.” From the floor Michelle shouted with surprised joy and lifted the painting she was busy with. It showed treasures hidden in darkness and had Debbie’s text written at the top. We purchased both paintings at the end of the service we knew they were for our daughter. There was another painting by a different artist of a rainbow. As I chatted to Bill I realised what God had been telling me all along; that he was giving us treasure hidden in darkness.
The ressurection of Dreams
All I could see was the darkness, but in the darkness was the treasure. I began to see that every word spoken over Mystery, every promise God has given her was still true if I could learn to look past the Down syndrome and see the treasure within. I stopped weeping. My tears had been tears of mourning, for the dreams, the hopes that I thought had come still born from the womb at one minute to one on Friday morning but in that moment my hopes and dreams breathed in and cried out in the darkness-ALIVE! The mysteries of God are always hidden, as the Bible says it is
“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.”
As Bill Johnson says God doesn’t hide things from us, he hides them for us. My daughter Mystery is a living personification of that, in her is hidden the glory of God’s plan and destiny for her life. In 1 Corinthians we read of God’s secret wisdom, hidden for us which we are told no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has concieved – BUT WHICH GOD REVEALS BY HIS SPIRIT. The treasure is all there -it is just hidden in a fragile little vessel. I awoke on Sunday morning with a scripture fragment rattling around in my brain. ” We are hard pressed on every side…” So I looked it up. It appears under the heading Treasures in Jars of Clay in my Bible and reads in context as follows. 3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
THE Father has a Dream for You.
This is the wonder of the time we are living in. It is a time of the revealing of mysteries, of treasure being found, the glorious riches of Christ alive in his bride the church. There are those who look at the church and say she is not much, they see the flaws, the handicaps, the brokeness and feel that there is no hope. However her Father looks with different eyes and sees the treasure that lies within. “the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. 27 To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” The Father has a dream for His Church, a mystery hidden in ages past but now about to be revealed. Some may not be impressed by her mind but no-one will dispute the power of her heart. She may not be known for her intellect but all will marvel at her love. She may look different, talk different, walk different but signs, wonders, miracles, and the presence of God will go wherever she goes. The world may consider her unlovely but the Father sees her beauty and her bridegroom patiently awaits her revealing. What is her name?
MYSTERY.
